“You’ve been married eight years and never agued with your husband? No way!” I get this reaction almost every time I mention the fact that my husband and I have yet to argue in more than eight years of marriage. Are we mutants from another planet? No. Does one of us just bulldoze the other into submission? Does my husband live by the “happy wife, happy life” mantra? Nope and nope.
At the onset of our relationship we purposed within ourselves, and committed verbally to one another, that we would not argue. We had both been in previous relationships where chaos, screaming, threatening and general discord had reigned. We didn’t want to live that way again. This is how we successfully do it. Hopefully, you can use some of our tips and tricks by doing the following:
Remember to communicate issues with your other half. Keeping things in and not voicing your concerns just lets your feeling stew and grow stronger. That’s not always healthy or helpful. My husband is naturally passive. I often notice he doesn’t seem to be himself, is preoccupied, or has a different disposition than usual. When I ask whether he’s okay his initial response is often that he is. I must pull it out of him so we can talk about what’s going on with him. Don’t be afraid to do this. You’ll be doing both of you a favor.
Have and maintain respect for one another. That means not insulting, yelling at or talking over one another. Never make light of your partner’s concerns. Maintain concern for each other’s feelings, validating them even when you’re not in agreement. Remember that you’re disagreeing with the person you love most in the world. You’re not fighting an enemy.
We have never spoken to one another with disdain, sarcasm or indifference evident in our voices. We love one another too much to do that. However, because I am the dominant personality in our relationship I tend to talk over people. They sometimes can’t get a word in edgewise. I have given my husband permission to interrupt me, by whatever means necessary, and enlighten me to the fact that I’m on a full roll. I don’t realize I’m doing it. When he calls it to my attention, I apologize and give him a chance to speak. I am then aware that I’m regressing to that bad habit and curb it in the remainder of our conversation.
Make a commitment to never use the “D” word. We are committed to one another and neither of us entertains the idea that we will ever be anything but married. No disagreement will make us consider divorce. Nowadays the threat of divorce is thrown around like a ball at MLB spring training when people get into a heated quarrel. We refuse to do even have the quarrel to begin with.
Be willing to give in to your partner, but make sure you both understand and agree that no one person should give in all the time. We don’t keep score on who owes whom an acquiescence. A compromise, ideally, is when the solution to the problem is satisfactory, on some level, to both parties.
“Relationships need compromise, it’s necessary. That does not include compromising yourself, your values, or your foundation.” @gentlemenhood
There are gobs of relationship advice. There is an overabundance of psychology-based formulas for relationship success. I’m far from being any expert on the subject. This stuff works for us because we want it to work. Perhaps it will work for you, as well.